When I was a child, my mom warned about fair-weather friends. They’re around when they need something or times are good, then vanish when you need support. I was unsuccessfully wishing myself to fall asleep when her forgotten advice came to mind. I gave up on sleep and searched the phrase on my phone. The term, which I had only heard her use, reportedly dates to the 1700s.[1]
If each of us categorized our friendships, they would fall along similar lines. Fair-weather. Part-time pals. Forever friends. Forever friends, separated by life or geography, easily pick back up no matter how much time has passed. Some friendships exist mainly in mutual settings, like school, work, or church. We have neighborly pals. People who ghost us. And the occasional backstabber. Some friends play bit parts in our lives, while others deserve their starring roles.
Genealogists identify and document family relationships. We should also document the influence of friendships on our ancestors’ lives when possible. Don’t approach your ancestors’ friends in a fair-weather way, merely using them to find another record naming your relative. Seek the nature of their friendships. Friends may have influenced decisions, introduced traditions, smiled upon their namesakes in your family, or been indirectly responsible for events that led to your existence.
My mother spoke of childhood girlfriends Peggy and Geneva. My mom, raised in Brooklyn in her Irish American maternal household, was taught by her friend’s Italian mother to throw spaghetti against the wall to see if it was done cooking. Those friends moved apart but kept in touch throughout life. My mother’s grandmother, Minnie (Anderson) Mahoney had a “cousin” as best friend. Cousin is in quotes because nobody could explain the relationship. DNA does not yet show a family connection, which might be due to the distance between testers. Minnie died before my birth, but one story of her antics with her best friend passed down. The senior ladies were accidentally locked in a room while on a trip to visit the cousin’s son, who was a priest. The friends removed the door hinges and the door to escape their imprisonment in a building that no doubt was blessed.
I want the kind of friend who will take a door down with me and giggle about it later.
Consider what friendships imply. Did birds of a feather flock together? Were they an unexpected pair? What brought them together, kept them together, or tore them apart?
Did an ancestral friendship impact your life? Do you exist because of a friendship that brought two ancestors together? Did a friendship tear your family apart? Was a family member named after an ancestral friend? Was there a multi-generational friendship in your family, where children or grandchildren of friends maintained friendships of their own?
If a friendship altered the course of your ancestor’s life, write that story before it is lost.
Find evidence of friendships in family traditions, newspapers, diaries, letters, photographs, pension files, witness names, business records, legal records, and more.
Friendship is hard to define. Nobody has a right to it. Its value can’t be measured.
Fair-weather or forever. Find and tell the stories of those ancestral friends.
If you have a fun ancestral friendship story, I’m all ears!
[1] Fair-weather friend, definition and notes, Dictionary.com (https://www.dictionary.com/browse/fair-weather-friend : accessed 8 January 2026).
Photo of Gertrude McBride and her friend Geneva, one Easter in Brooklyn, New York. WordPress was trying my last nerve, and would not let me caption it.
